PURSUE JOY NOT CONFLICT

Phil 4:1-3

Christians never have conflict do they? One would pray and hope that’s true, but unfortunately conflict is apart of the image bearer of God, going back to the first conflict in human history. Where did we see the first conflict of the human kind? Answer is found in Genesis 4:1-16 A historical account of two brothers who brought their offering to God. The Bible says “In the course of time Cain brought to the LORD an offering of the fruit of the ground, and Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions. And the LORD had regard for Abel and his offering, but for Cain and his offering he had no regard. So Cain was very angry, and his face fell. The LORD said to Cain, "Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it." Cain spoke to Abel his brother. And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against his brother Abel and killed him. Then the LORD said to Cain, "Where is Abel your brother?" He said, "I do not know; am I my brother's keeper?" And the LORD said, "What have you done? The voice of your brother's blood is crying to me from the ground.” Gen 4:3-10

  

Conflict has done some serious damage over the ages, read your Bible and see for yourself.

Jacob and Esau

Joseph and his brothers

David and Saul

The Apostles and the Religious Elites

The church and the world

What about outside the Bible text? 

Families have been destroyed by conflict.

Businesses have been destroyed by conflict.

Marriages have been destroyed by conflict.

Friendships have been destroyed by conflict.

A life has been destroyed by conflict.

We need to understand! Conflicts has the ability to destroy nations, villages, cities and most of the entire home. “Conflict” by definition is “a serious disagreement, an argument, a long-lasting armed struggle.” The “Synonyms” of this word are “dispute, quarrel, squabble, dissension, clash, discord, friction, strife, hostility, disputation, contention, and feud to name a few.” The Association Of Biblical Counsellors said “When it comes to conflict in relationships, there are really only three kinds of people: peace-fakers, peace-breakers, and peace-makers. Peace-breakers are prideful and power up. If they don’t get their way, they blow up, escalating conflict like gas on a flickering flame. Peace-fakers avoid conflict or clam up trying to shove conflict under the rug out of fear. Neither way is glorifying or healthy. Peace-makers see conflict as an assignment, not an accident. They approach the problem with humility, reasonableness, and seeking wisdom from God. They do not intimidate, but they also do not hide.”

What cause conflicts and quarrels?

James, brother of Jesus, gives the answer to that question. “What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.” James 4:1-3. The enemy, the conflict is within us, it’s not just what we want; its how much we want it. It’s the idea of how much we want to win the argument; or how much destruction we can create in the process.

Where does this heart of conflict stem from? 

Where does conflicts root grow?

It stems out of a hot tempered life “A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.” Prov 15:18

It stems out of a deceitful heart “A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.” Prov 16:28

It stems out of a greedy heart “A greedy man stirs up strife, but the one who trusts in the LORD will be enriched.” Prov 28:25

These are not good qualities to have in one’s life, because they have the ability to cause abundant amount of destruction and chaos. If you don’t believe me look what this kind of behavior has done to some churches over the years. Conflict in the church should grieve the heart of the believer. Conflict in the church shouldn’t make us take sides, but confront the conflict head on, to deal with it in a godly manner Why? It ultimately grieves the heart of God and it also steals the joy and the testimony of the church. Paul starts this portion with “Therefore” (v1) as a reminder what has been said previously. “Therefore” serves as a bridge that connects two units of thoughts together. The strong emphasis on doctrine and the joy of the Lord is how we are to live and demonstrate daily.

Paul reminds the church about this with his personal affections for them. (v1) The church was Paul’s crowning trophy, prize because of their faithfulness and effective service to the gospel. This should be the heart of the church everywhere, without questions or reservations.

This how we are to describe one another, as we serve in partnership of the Gospel. But unfortunately that’s not always the case. And this should grieve the heart of the child of God. So! Paul addresses a conflict that has reached his ears about these people; whom he loved deeply, who are his joy, and crown. This squabble was serious enough that Paul added this to his letter; and he also named the two who were in this squabble. (v2-v3a) 

What do we know about these two women of the gospel? 

They were members of this church.

They were fellow workers with Paul in the gospel.

They were frontline warriors, two servants who served and worked on the frontline to see people know the truth of the gospel.

They were involved heavily in their church.

See! The problem wasn’t that they worked hard, and cared deeply about the church; it was because they were not united. This is a problem! Because it has its abilities to lead to destructive ends and major hurts. The friction between these two was big enough to disrupt the spiritual life and unity of the church. This behavior can fracture a church and the fellowship.

Thom Rainer said “Unity in the church will not happen if members have unforgiving hearts.” “few things can destroy the unity of a church like gossip. A unified church is powerful. Gossip tears apart that unity and renders a church powerless.”

One Theologian said “Behind most church fights and unresolved divisions is ugly human pride. And the worst kind of pride is religious pride, the Pharisaical pride of self-righteousness and superiority.”

John MacArthur said in his commentary “Spiritual instability leads to disappointment, doubt, discouragement, and ineffective witness.”

See! Conflict never ends well, because someone, or everyone, is going to get hurt along the way. The conflict these two women had was not theological, but relational. Sadly, this is the root of most conflicts in most churches. So Paul urges, pleads with, these dear sisters to reconcile before things get worse. (v2) “Entreat” it’s a sense of pleading or urgency. This grieved Paul to see these dear sisters behaving the way they were. Unfortunately! This isn’t something that happened over night; this is that slow to fade, it gradually builds up momentum, until it comes to a point of explosion. What do I mean? Paul said to the church Ephesus “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” Eph 4:31

This is an unhealthy list of characteristics to have in one’s life. “Bitterness” in this passage is referred to “resentment or a grudge”. What Paul is saying here is that “bitterness concludes in malice.” Its starts out small, but ends in a destructive behavior. If a person does not address this it will eat at them; or better yet, destroy them of the joy that the Lord has for them. The Gospel delivered us from this bondage, so why would a person want to go back to that. So, Paul pleads with these two ladies to work it out face to face, so that this wouldn’t have negative affects on the unity of the church.

Paul said “agree in the Lord.” (v2) this literally means “think the same things in the Lord.” What Paul is saying is….. Maintain that close and personal fellowship with the Lord; direct your minds together in addressing this problem. Get into a boat together and start rowing in the same direction, adopt the same mindset which will bring reconciliation and restoration. John MacArthur said “No one is perfect—there are always going to be little things that people disagree about. Nevertheless, we should always get on our knees together and seek to maintain the unity of the Spirit and the bond of peace.” Paul already addressed this in his letter “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,” Phil 2:4-5

See the Lord is the common denominator who will establish true unity between these two people. If you are far from the Lord, then friction will inescapably spring up between yourself and other believers. That’s why it’s important we saturate our lives in His grace and in His Word, as we live our lives worthy of the gospel. (1:v27) It’s amazing how personal conflict can destroy ones quiet time of reading, praying, and fellowship. Paul pleads with these dear sisters to get back to that fellowship you loved and had, and resolve this issue. The same plead could be said to us and the church today. 

Side note: One thing for sure; if there were sleepy Christians in the service that day when this was being read, they were wide awake now.

Now! Paul addresses the church to come alongside these dear sisters to work out their personal disagreement. (v3) “Help” means “to seize, grasp, to apprehend, to arrest, capture.” Help these ladies, if they are not willing to work it out privately. This word “help” is used in the same way when Jesus said “Have you come out as against a robber, with swords and clubs to capture me?” Mark 14:48

Help these women” take hold of this situation to usher in peace for their spiritual growth, unity of the fellowship, and witness to the people of Philippi. This is what we would call an “intervention meeting” as Paul calls upon the “true companions” for help. Who are the “true companions”? This literally means “Yokefellow” Some say it’s the husbands of these wives, close friends of Paul whom he trusted to restore these two women, or the elders. Whoever it is, Paul turns to the peacekeepers of the church to resolve this issue before it goes nuclear. While we don’t know the exact cause of the problem, we can see how Paul wants for them to solve this conflict. Before it gets worse and destroys the unity of the church.

  

How does Paul go about instructing this?

1. Seek restoration before it gets out of hand and humbly remind yourself of the gospel in your life. (v2-v3a)

Paul wants them to resolve the matter, simply solve the problem with one another and have a right attitude. (v2) This is only possible when we remind ourselves of what Christ did for us. Remember what Paul said “….And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ….” Phil 2:5-16. Reminding ourselves of the gospel, is a great reminder to how we are to resolve conflict in our lives with one another.

If you don’t it will affect your worship! “…So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” Matt 5:22-24

As fast as the conflict started we should equally seek as fast to defuse it and be reconciled to one another. The gospel reminds of our reconciliation and we are to resolve our conflicts, but this requires grace-filled humility. Christ Jesus is the standard of this humility when He died for us on that tree.

2. Preach to yourself that you have a name that is stamped in a book that only God knows. (v3b)

These ladies were not two unsaved women; they were sinful redeemed children of the living God. I say that because those who are helping these ladies are to remind them that their names are in the book of life. In order to have your name in the book of Life; God alone, had to pull your dead body from the floor of the ocean and breathed in new life so that you could live. That’s what the Gospel did for you and me; He died so we could live. Not because we deserve it, because He is good and merciful. And now your name is in a book that only He knows who is in it. A register where God keeps the names of the redeemed. But nothing unclean will ever enter it, nor anyone who does what is detestable or false, but only those who are written in the Lamb's book of life.” Rev 21:27 This is your family! Look around this room, God has put them in your life to love you, to care for you, to edify you and come along side you! D. A. Carson said “What binds us together is not common education, common race, common income levels, common politics, common nationality, common accents, common jobs, or anything else of that sort. Christians come together because they have all been loved by Jesus himself. They are a band of natural enemies who love one another for Jesus' sake.”

We are to walk in unity not conflict. How?

1. Be considerate of others. “Love as brothers be tenderhearted..” 1 Peter 3:8-9

2. Don’t insist on pleasing yourself “Love suffers long and is kind” 1 Cor 13:4-5

3. Depend on God’s work in your life. “The God of patience and comfort, grant you

to be like-minded..” Rom 15:5

4. Be receptive to each other. “Receive...” one another. Rom 14:1